Tales of the Tea Shop: The Welcome Home
by Eduard Tubin
Summary: Azula and Karo return home and Azula receives a bill for the stuff she busted while escaping the Wedding of the Avatar. Zuko uses this to gain some control over his wild sister. Karo decides to see the film of the wedding on the silver screen


**Tales of the Tea Shop**

**The Welcome Home: Part I**

Two days after Karo and Azula arrived home Lady Zhao continued to kiss both of them on their foreheads and tell them how pleased she was with current developments. The city of Ba Sing Se enjoyed the kind of cold winter that only came during wars on the Russian front and so while Lady Zhao proved quite agreeable on the issue of marriage to her son she also proved quite difficult to escape since the cold weather kept all of them confined indoors much of the time. Azula had trouble figuring out the big deal about her arrangement with Karo – marriage would keep Karo from leaving – an expedient tool to prevent loneliness. In her mind, Azula did find Karo her very best friend and had taken strategic moves to prevent the loss of her dear friend. Karo knew this but didn't object since he had never found it easy to make friends and knew many in Ba Sing Se did not approve of gay people.

On that second day, a cold and sunny Monday afternoon Karo returned home with Azula and picked up the daily mail which contained a flier from a local restaurant with a menu and a 'Thirty Minutes or It's Free!" home delivery and three letters addressed to 'occupant'. Lady Zhao had a magazine subscription renewal notice, a gas bill and Azula received a letter from the Fire Nation Revenue Service. It came in a red envelope with a black seal.

Azula closed the door to prevent the cold winter air from coming into the house and gingerly opened the ominous looking letter and found an equally ominous red sheet of paper with a black border inside.

"I owe the Fire Nation 880,000 gold pieces for that autogyro!" Azula fell back on the couch and narrowly missed squishing Mitsumi who had fallen asleep on the center cushion. The cardboard box that contained the game of Risk had less luck and made a crunch as she crushed it. She sat up and tossed the game on the coffee table since she did not feel in the mood to destroy Karo at Risk right at the moment. "Dear Azula Kai. Our offices regret to inform you that we require payment for the recent destruction of the experimental Autogyro Model 404 to cover expenses."

"Did they make any threats?" Karo sat next to Azula and held out his hand and Azula handed the letter to him. "If they really want their money they will make credible threats like – pay within thirty days or we will break your kneecaps. I don't see any threats. I think you made your brother angry so he's yanking your chain."

"You _didn't_ get billed for the amount of a major island!" Azula shouted at the letter. "I owe the Fire Nation 880,000 gold. Why didn't good brother Zuko and his tax cops bill you?"

"They can't come after me for it." Karo scratched his head. "I have Earth Kingdom citizenship as does my mother and legally they can't come after me for a single gold piece. Even so long after the war the two court systems do not agree on much and going after an Earth Kingdom citizen merely ends up making the Fire Nation pay all the costs, punitive damages and the case gets thrown out."

"You haven't made me feel any better." Azula tossed the envelope on the coffee table and listened to Lady Zhao mucking about in the kitchen and baking bread. "Can't they ban you from visiting the Fire Nation?"

"I would have to talk to a lawyer." Karo spoke cautiously. "You can play the old debtor's trick and run out the clock. All debts have a 'statute of limitations' and expire in a decade or so. It depends on the debt and where you live."

"And in the meantime I can't visit home." Azula tapped her fingers together.

"Call your brother collect and see if he will pencil whip that through as paid." Karo did not worry too much about cooking the books. He felt it unethical to take the money of honest people but he had lived during the occupation of the Fire Nation and had few misgivings about playing various accounting tricks to make them pay themselves the money they had billed Azula. He did believe in trying the simple things first – suck up to the Fire Lord. The Fire Nation would not pursue a lawsuit against Azula in an Earth Kingdom court since some resentment did still exist between the two nations. The Corporation of the City of Ba Sing Se had set about collecting a million and a half gold pieces to repair damage caused by Fire Nation forces but had never received payment. This had not stopped the city accountants who had also billed the Fire Nation for use of the football pitches – and repair of the turf from tank treads. The Fire Nation did not play football (or soccer) and did not pay the pitch rental. This led to a slow and drawn out 'War of the Credit Bureaus' in which the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation set out to destroy each others credit rating. The major credit rating agencies dropped both of them from their client list because they had to collect real money from hapless financially strapped people - unpaid student loans, bar tabs and late fees for library books.

"What time is it in the Fire Nation capitol?" Azula had figured out the way to use the front pages of the telephone directory with the international listings and calculated that if she called collect now she would reach Zuko at about three thirty in the morning – which suited her just fine.

"Can I place a collect call to the Fire Nation palace?" Azula cranked on the phone and began working her way through the switchboard in a manner both fraudulent and artistic. The International Operator placed the call but the wilier Fire Nation Palace switchboard operated needed a convincing lie – so Azula told her that she had to inform the Fire Lord that a volcano on Henwa Island had blown up and destroyed five fishing villages. Call display did not exist so the operator could suspect a crank call but could not prove as much.

"I didn't know you served with the Red Cross." Karo whispered cynically. Azula nudged him rudely and continued her work.

"Hello brother." Azula said in a slow and menacing tone.

"How did you get this number? How did you get past the operator?" Fire Lord Zuko cleared his throat. "How did you get me on the Red Emergency Line? Only the most senior civil servants know how to contact me."

"The audacity of lying." Azula fingered the cord. "I am a senior civil servant and I came to report that Henwa Island blew up due to a volcanic eruption."

"Henwa Island has no active volcanoes." Fire Lord Zuko answered slowly.

"I got a bill for – how much Karo?" Azula poked Karo with her elbow.

"An amount none of us have. About 880,000 gold pieces – a little under a million." Karo had a distinct feeling he did not want to get involved in this family dispute.

"The Fire Nation Revenue Service billed me for the autogyro." Azula spoke severely

"Glad to know they do a good job tracking things." Zuko coughed again. "We never did find it – what did you do to it?"

"It crashed a bit."

"Where did you crash it?" Zuko had no clue his sister had survived until she left the Fire Nation on a ferry.

"The surface of the planet – most things that fly and stop wind up there – what does it matter?" Azula let Karo lay down on the couch and scratched his back as he lay across her lap and read the Sunday newspaper comics section. "You can get it back if you can hold your breath for several days."

"You lost it at sea?" Zuko said grimly. "I could have had charges laid against you for theft, flight without a license, kidnapping....shall I go on?"

"Kidnapping?" Azula sounded shocked.

"You kidnapped Karo." Zuko felt his sister needed a good lesson and as a grumpy father seeking to keep his daughter Anya quiet during the night he had no problem delivering it.

"He is my fiancé." Azula dryly informed her brother. "We do lots of indictable things together."

"Uh...the well never mind." Karo had to admit he enjoyed Azula's gentle back scratches.

"Well we could still try the case." He could not legally collect and the Fire Nation Revenue Service sent these letters to ex patriots who had made off with military hardware or left behind unpaid taxes. The Fire Nation Revenue Service was a Potemkin Village of a legal authority and stood a better chance of winning the lottery than collecting their debts. They made threats but had no means of collection overseas since no agreements existed to collect debts across borders. Earth Kingdom courts ignored such cases. Azula had a pension but Lady Ursa handled that. Lady Ursa had taken care to protect the pension by investing Azula's money outside of the Fire Nation in the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe. Lady Ursa could play a shrewd game of money manipulation and when Azula had spent time in the Asylum Ursa had done very clever land sales which meant Fire Nation law could not touch Azula unless she ended up back in the Fire Nation where they could sue her. "Why do you care? You live in Ba Sing Se where we can't collect the money and mother sees to it you get your pension each month. She won't stop sending you money and as long as you stay in Ba Sing Se we can't collect the money for the autogyro. All we can do is leave you on the debtors list for ten years until we can't collect. You should know the charge of kidnapping has no such statue of limitations so you can't ever return. I will remove you from the debtors' list and have the charges dropped and purged from our records if you make a deal."

"What kind of a deal." Azula raised her eyebrow.

"You stay in Ba Sing Se and leave me alone." Zuko knew he could not count on a promise made by his sister but she had become a grand annoyance to him. "My mother can send you money and visit you of course."

"Of course." Azula stopped scratching Karo's back. "You plan to banish me...."

"I have spoken to the ruling council of Ba Sing Se and they have agreed to grant you Earth Kingdom citizenship." Zuko had found it a grave humiliation to have his sister – the Princess – behave utterly without decorum and had worked on the problem of banishing her for good but Lady Ursa would not have it. The solution Mai came up with amounted to a 'transfer of citizenship' which meant that Azula would become a full citizen of Ba Sing Se but could never again enter the Fire Nation without a passport. Azula knew that she could not enter the palace or capitol without permission from her brother or Lady Mai. Zuko had her cornered: she could not enter the country as a citizen without facing legal prosecution unless she agreed – they could never collect the money but could find half a dozen charges that all carried criminal records. If she gave up her citizenship then this threat went away but if she set foot on the Fire Nation without a visa they could arrest her and deport her. Zuko had no doubt told the border authorities to do exactly that. "I won't banish you but you will become the Earth Kingdom's problem. At present you could not return to the Fire Nation without threat of arrest. If you accept Earth Kingdom citizenship you will have the debt erased, your record cleared and can enter the Fire Nation with my permission."

* * *

"Your Earth Kingdom Citizenship Papers arrived today." Karo pointed to the mailbox as he shoveled a day's worth of snow covering the front stoop of their house. A week had passed since Azula had received news she was no longer welcome in the Fire Nation. She had moped for several days until Lady Zhao had a long talk with her over tea and biscuits and told her that Fire Lord Zuko would forgive her in time and his opinion didn't matter in the long term since Zuko was a humorless and unhappy man. Karo knew Azula had begun to mend when she began once more to make bad tea.

"You missed a spot." Azula pointed at a spot as she flipped open the mailbox and pulled out a tan envelope with the stamp of the Earth Kingdom Citizenship Office. She handed an advertisement from the local cinema or Nickelodeon to Karo. "They have newsreel footage of the Avatar's wedding."

"Special! Six Hour Show!" Karo leaned on the snow shovel and read off the neatly printed playbill which promised 'thrills for all ages'. An odd thing for a newsreel to promise but then again the little trailer at the beginning of the usual feature promised 'Dee-lishus Snacks at Affordable Prices' which Karo knew amounted to overpriced junk food at sub lethal doses. "This Saturday – Two Shows One at Noon and One at Six in the Evening. Be The First One Outside of the Avatar's Special Guests to Witness the Wedding of the Century."

"You don't have to sound like a billboard." Azula picked out her new 'Birth Certificate'. "Zuko picked such an ugly picture don't you think?"

"I think it looks very sweet." Karo knew Azula had fallen into one of her 'can't go home again' funks and opened the door for her and took off his mittens and his winter gear and prepared to let her rant. Azula had no clue she had done anything wrong – she had made up her mind that in no way would Mai determine what she wore and the felonies that ensued amounted to the necessary things she needed to do to make her point. Azula sat on the couch and looked over the papers with a pouting look. "I have become Citizen 878-767-345 in Ba Sing Se."

"Your social insurance number doesn't mean anything. Even landed immigrants have to have one to live here." Karo knew Zuko did pull strings to have Azula made a full citizen of Ba Sing Se. The City had a huge refugee problem during the war as displaced people flooded into the city. Some stayed on but remained landed immigrants – literally refugees entitled to rent or own a place to live – a kind of legal limbo. Karo could tell by the documents that Azula Kai had full citizenship not simply a visa they could revoke. She had a full birth certificate, medical plan card and various other pieces of paper that gave her all the numbers she needed to become a citizen of the Earth Kingdom. Azula did notice in a pattern in the numbers Karo had missed. In the Fire Nation they issued numbers based on the order in which you fit in the society so she had a single digit social insurance number. Ba Sing Se issued their numbers in the order in which you applied or some random list and they served the purpose preventing tax records from getting fouled up to the point where no one could track them. "Big Brother needs a number for medical insurance purposes, voting and taxation."

* * *

Saturday had arrived and a huge snowstorm blew over Ba Sing Se as Azula followed Karo down the street to the Nickelodeon. Azula remained morose when she discovered the rules of citizenship included mandatory attendance at elections – Ba Sing Se required everyone to vote for their government. She found taxes even more bothersome since now Ba Sing Se revenue took a chunk of the money sent by her mother and a larger chunk of the pension she received. Karo told her that they would return much of it when she filed her taxes under Section 455: Education and Tuition Expenses Deductions and Section 207-L: Mental and Physical Disability Tax Credit. He assured Azula this would greatly reduce her taxes as long as she filed. Karo knew a great deal about taxes and explained it in the dullest manner possible.

"You know they shot the whole thing in color!" Karo announced the news as he walked ahead of Azula in the deep snow the Ba Sing Se winter offered during January. The local Nickelodeon had advertised the full six hour ceremony in the new 'Autochrome Color Process' with "Full Avatar Sound' so the world could witness the joining of Ty Lee and Avatar Aang. Azula expected poor resolution color film of the wedding combined with bad quality sound. Karo wanted to see the wedding and had dragged her out to see the filmed record in full color.

"Calm down." Azula felt herself slipping down the sidewalk with Mitsumi in her arms as she tried to keep up with Karo. "It will wait."

"I don't want them to begin without us." Karo sounded enthusiastic.

"We are early and since when does the show ever begin on time?" Theaters in the Avatar realm worked in much the same way as anywhere else. If they scheduled the main feature began at five that usually meant ten past five and a dozen trailers and news reel reports meant it began at five thirty. If it began on time the feature was sold out or the projectionist could not manage the focus or the film broke or all of the above.

"We once came to see a matinée of Flash Gordon and arrived in the middle because the guy who did the marquee was off by one hour." Karo replied as Mitsumi jumped in his arms.

"We won't be late and besides can you quit rushing? Ba Sing Se has turned into an ice planet and if I take a wrong step my fire bending reflexes won't keep me from busting my ass." Azula slid along the snowy sidewalk and it seemed a good idea to spend the day in a warm theater but she would rather have seen a cool science fiction movie. "It's six hours long."

"I want to see it in color." Karo dragged her along.

"How did they manage color?" Azula knew that still photos could have color but they required the subject to remain still for ten seconds. Still color film needed that long to collect enough light to render a scene in color. She had no idea how they could film in color. "Six hours! I hope they have an intermission. My bladder sense is tingling."

"They would have done the best for the Avatar." Karo declared as they slid to a stop in the front of the neighborhood Nickelodeon. The marquis stated that they had the special footage of the 'Wedding of the Century' filmed in Fantastic color and sound. Karo looked forward to finding out if the color looked real and if the sound actually sounded better than the crappy sound most black and white films had. Azula and Karo loved the science fiction serials that showed the heroic astronauts exploring the planets. They did not care if the scenery was made of cardboard or that the rocket hung from strings – they both dreamed of the kind of future where humans could explore the universe and the sheer awful nature of some of the films they saw made them entertaining.

"Keep Mitsumi quiet." Azula cautioned as they approached the ticket seller. The Nickelodeon had a strict policy against bringing in food but a less strict one governing pets but they did not have to know that Karo had stashed Mitsumi in his vest.

"Two for the Avatar's Wedding please?" Azula handed a combination of paper bills and change and let the ticket agent figure it all out. She did not want to waste time out in the cold counting money. The cashier handed two green colored tickets and politely requested that they enjoy the show. Azula handed Karo his ticket.

They entered the lobby which like all movie lobbies looked dimly lit and had a wall of movie posters on one side and the snack bar on the other. The ceiling and walls wore a dull brown color while the carpet indulged in a dull gray color that didn't seem to work well to cheer up the interior. The snack bar had a large list of prices and a popcorn maker burbled away as a few patrons ordered their popcorn with 'butter flavored' topping. Soft drinks flowed out of a dispenser. Karo looked up at the price list and felt that such high prices constituted a hostage negotiation not fair market value for a few ounces of sweet drink and corn that had become made up primarily of air.

"One large popcorn and large cream soda." Azula placed her hands on the dark brown counter and made her order. "I want the buttery topping."

"I will have a lemon soda and a package of those malt balls." Karo pointed at a purple box of his favorite candy and expected to pay six times the going rate for it. He ended up paying about seven so he took two copies of the _Nickelodeon Times_ – the magazine that advertised the upcoming releases.

"If they used butter why do they call it 'buttery topping'?" Azula took her popcorn and looked at the amber oil slathered on it and dripping into the paper bag. "It smells like butter but butter looks cloudy so it can't be butter."

"Butter cost too much so they use coconut oil and yellow dye with salt and whey powder." Karo sipped on his drink as they walked down the lobby. "Hence the term 'buttery topping'. However like any kind of fake food it has a certain quality that makes it taste good in its own special way."

"Does anyone know why theaters always have sticky floors?" Azula handed her ticket to the usher and then walked slowly down the aisle. "I wonder if it keeps your kids from wandering off and bothering other patrons."

"We got here twenty minutes early." Karo looked around the dimly lit theater and took a seat near the aisle in the middle of the theater. Mitsumi climbed out from under Karo's vest and curled up on his lap.

"The theater has only a dozen people in it." Karo opened the magazine and began reading. The movie theater magazine came with plenty of admonitions to remain quiet for the enjoyment of other patrons. An article on the 'filming of The Wedding of the Century' credited the dedication of the producer with creating an astonishing experience but did not offer anything but interviews and those mainly with 'Craft Services'.

"Good." Azula placed her popcorn in the seat next to her. The theater had the same tan and olive drab décor as the lobby but had a main floor and a balcony with wrought iron railings painted black that protected people from stumbling down the stairs and helped elderly ladies keep their balance.

"I didn't want to attend the wedding but I could do it for my friend Ty Lee." Azula sipped her cream soda. "Mai's plan to make me look like a freaking Fire Nation tart finally pushed me over the edge and I didn't want to become one of the establishment and I took a guess you didn't."

"Hey guys!" Toph climbed over the seat behind Karo as Katara politely pushed past Azula.

"You missed out on a lovely ceremony." Katara took her seat beside Azula. "Seal jerky?"

"No thank you." Azula politely refused since she had a policy of not eating anything with either seal or jerky in the name.

"How – ow - did you -oh - know we would be here?" Karo asked as Toph climbed over him.

"Lady Zhao." Toph planted her feet firmly on the floor as she picked her seat. "If I asked why the floor felt sticky would I want to know?"

"No....no one knows why but the cinema experience is incomplete without the sticky floor." Azula gave Mitsumi a hearty scratch on the head.

"Why aren't you and Azula doing that?" Toph pointed to a young couple making out two rows behind them.

"Well..." Karo looked at Azula. "I have a shy side."

"Do you get in for free because you're blind?" Azula asked Toph quietly but with some sarcasm.

"Katara had a coupon." Toph stomped her feet.

"Here...Karo." Azula stood up and handed off Mitsumi. "Hold the monkey."

"Where are you going?"

"Find an usher so we don't have to listen to the couple behind us." Azula climbed over the seats as she took matters into her own hands. "Or just have a friendly word with the couple themselves."

"Yes?" The young man looked at Azula as she stood over them. "We're newlyweds like the Avatar and Ty Lee."

"Karo can you explain a few things to this nice young couple?" Azula motioned to Karo to join her in discussions with the young couple.

"I think they already know what they need to know." Karo stood in the aisle and Mitsumi sat on his shoulder.

"Not about that!" Azula scowled while Toph and Katara snickered. "They are disturbing us."

"Is that cute guy with the lemur your boyfriend?" The young girl asked Azula. "You are a very lucky woman. He looks like a real cutie."

"Oh... backing away now." Azula patted Karo's shoulder. "Awkward."

* * *

"The show is late." Karo reclined in his seat and waited. "Quit watching the couple behind us make out – all three of you!"

"Anthropology." Azula answered as if that would serve as an adequate excuse. "And the usher has walked past them four times. Does he actually do anything?"

"He ushers." Karo tapped Azula. "In a half empty theater he doesn't have much to do."

"We regret to announce that our feature will begin later due to technical problems. We hope this delay does not inconvenience you." The usher wore a name tag attached to a neat and formal looking outfit that reminded Azula of the green and brown outfit she had worn while working with the Dai Li. Toph could hear the projectionist cussing about some kind of problem with the projector. The usher bowed politely and walked past Toph and the others then past the couple making out two rows behind them. Enforcing theater 'no lemur' and no loving' policies did not enter his mind.

"Can you tell your lemur to get his little hands out of my popcorn – he'll get hairs all over it." Azula complained to Karo.

"Hey did you guys settle on a date for your blessed union?" Katara asked as she waited for the feature to begin. She had decided to keep quiet about the ceremony to avoid 'spoiler alerts'.

"I think my mom and her mom will get drunk one night and the next morning they will tell us what they have decided." Karo tried to feed Mitsumi a chocolate malt ball and tossed it to the lemur who threw it back and bounced it off Karo's forehead. The house lights began to dim and a pop came from the speaker system.

"Welcome to the - !!! - !!!" The curtains opened and then the screen went dark as a trumpet anthem blared out over the theater. The lights dimmed again, the tan curtain moved to one side and the anthem blared again. The film did have color as revealed by an animated Earth Kingdom logo that spun across the screen.

"Let's Go Buy Some Snacks! Enjoy our Fantastic Selection of Snacks! Your Neighborhood Nickelodeon offers Delicious Food!" Karo half expected the dancing wax paper soda cup to state: 'Great for our Profits and Probably Okay for You.' Azula pointed out that she had never seen the snack trailer in full color.

"Coming Soon!" Toph winced as the sound seemed a bit loud and she could hear distortion. "Filmed in Supermarionation! Avatar the Last Airbender!"

"Oh that is just sad." Azula said.

"Puppets?" Katara watched the trailer. "They told the story of the Avatar with puppets?"

"Marionettes actually." Azula corrected Katara. "All the best historians use puppets. Boy the inanimate piece of wood playing me looks like a slut."

* * *

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Azula said with the hope of sounding profound as the main feature began. The newsreel cameras had indeed captured the wedding in color but the engineers had not fully perfected the process and as the camera panned over the familiar figures of Mai, Zuko and Lady Ursa their bright red robes looked washed out and they had a distinctly lavender cast to their faces. The announcer explained in a distinguished voice how the traditional Air Nomad Wedding worked and as expected Azula found the sound lived up to the usual crappy standards. The music sounded regal – full of pomp and circumstance and fuzz. The Kyoshi Warriors stood in a line with Suki at the head. Ty Lee and the Avatar had not yet made their appearance before the film broke.

"I think we found out why it takes six hours to watch this." Toph stomped her feet as a distinct pop came through the theater loudspeakers.

"I sat with Suki and Koko – they both say hi – on a nice patch of green grass by Fire Lord Zuko's family." Katara began to tell the tale. "Each nation sent a priest to take part in the marriage ceremony and if we ever see the film you will see Ty Lee in the most beautiful white dress. They brought her in on an albino white ostrich horse."

"White – Ty Lee?" Azula raised her eyebrow. "Didn't see that coming."

"We apologize for the delay." The usher stood in front of the screen. "If we cannot start in fifteen minutes we will issue you tickets for another day."

"They got all the trailers to work." Toph grumbled as Mitsumi moved around nervously and twitched his ears.

"The movie never makes money so they put less effort to making it work than the vital and important snack trailer." Karo held out a malt ball for Mitsumi. "They make all their money with the snack bar. You don't think 'buttery topping' costs them the extra buck it costs us?"

"Aang gave Ty Lee a beautiful gold ring." Katara beamed with a grand smile. "He got on his knees and put it on her hand – it was so beautiful. You missed out on the wedding – you two could have found some neat ideas for your own wedding."

"We will have a simple ceremony which will not involve dresses unless Karo wants to. _What has gotten into that demented primate now?_" Azula watched as Mitsumi pelted patrons with malt balls. He had found the theater a refuge from the cold but it had become noisy and he had seen disturbing flickery images. The usher chased after him as Mitsumi flung malt balls at his head.

"Azula and Karo.....I believe you know our rules about animals in the theater." The usher gave a stern warning as Mitsumi stood on Azula's shoulder and chattered. He knew Azula and Karo as regular patrons who favored science fiction themed films and he knew Mitsumi could wind up flinging worse things so he let the malt ball flinging slide. As a theater usher he had to make sure the crowds remained calm, no one shouted 'fire' and that the various young couples making out didn't make too much noise.

"I paid a premium for those malt balls." Karo noticed his empty package and decided to make for the lemon soda instead.

"The projector keeps eating the film." Toph felt her chances of listening to the newsreel footage of the Avatar's wedding declining as she could hear the manager and projectionist talking about some fairly thorny issues with the 'new' color film.

"Happened before." Karo stared into his box of chocolate malt balls and wondered if his little lemur had a bellyache. Mitsumi let a rancid belch fly.

* * *

"At last!" Azula breathed out and held Mitsumi to keep him calm as they viewed the wedding in full and rather drab looking color. They had taken ten minutes to figure out the thorny technical problems and make the film run properly. Toph found the sound tinny and awful – craptastic was the word Karo applied to it.

Of course none of this implied anything exciting happened. A concert orchestra from Ba Sing Se played a long wedding overture – Azula could recognize the bittersweet melodic themes wandering over a narrow range as familiar to her as one of the Fire Nation composers. The orchestra played in a large stage surrounded by flowers of all types and they played the music with commitment and grace – the sound system operating on stone age principles delivered it with fuzz and distortion. As with all important ceremonial functions from coronations to important sporting events most of event consisted of 'filler'. Music, theater, speeches, sermons and the odd ethnic act such as the swamp benders causing a mud tsunami to rise from the lake near the chateau where Aang and Ty Lee stayed while dancing an odd number in three quarter time.

Azula had seen many such 'baroque' celebrations of various public events. The Fire Nation had made a growth industry out of them and if it involved pennants and stuffing thousands of people into a public square the Fire Nation had done it. Even the opening of public libraries involved ribbon cutting, sacrifices of goats or sheep to Gods or Goddesses no one believed in, a speech, a large bonfire and the self important speeches of the mayor and his minions. Many people concluded the whole thing wasted time and goats but tradition demanded a dead goat.

The Avatar Wedding involved a celebratory dance from each of the major nations (the swamp benders were a minor nation but attracted attention because they had no pants). The wisest among the swamp benders gave a speech on how he had met Aang and explained the truth that death was an illusion – even for the sacrificial goat that played a role in their presentation. Such a great life lesson made little impact on Azula who had decided to go to the washroom. Azula knew about the circle of life but knew her happiness relied on being on the 'fed' side of the circle and avoiding the 'fed to something' side.

The Northern Water Tribe appointed Master Pakku to speak since he belonged to the Order of the White Lotus and could speak in public. The historical archives recorded somewhere in Book 1 and Chapter 5 he had trained Katara and Katara listened eagerly to what he had to say. Azula had fallen asleep on Karo's arm and instructed him to wake her if anything interesting happened. Karo knew that probably implied something along the lines of the huge mass of paper that contained Pakku's speech collapsing into a small black hole and devouring reality or the sky raining fish. Neither happened.

"I wish to remind those attending this great wedding....." Karo had no real interest in speeches unless someone tested him on their contents in an academic context so much of what Master Pakku said went through his brain and past the part recalling show tunes at random. Karo had a brain that provided him with musak. "Only a few years ago the fearsome Fire Nation criminal Admiral Zhao set about to destroy the Northern Water Tribe by destroying the Spirit of the Moon! His great Fire Nation navy almost destroyed our civilization."

"What!? This guy bears a grudge." Karo stopped tapping Mitsumi. A tune about 'coconuts' fell out of his awareness and he felt relieved that Azula had taken him from the wedding.

"Push and Pull." Katara spoke and the film broke as Karo jumped. Katara recalled how Aang had visited Koh the Face Stealer. Azula looked on as the house lights came up.

"Will you quit throwing popcorn at my head Mitsumi!" Karo looked down at the sticky floor and then scowled at Mitsumi who had tried to cheer up his human by tossing popcorn at him. "Someone tell me when I can come out of the shadow of my father. Why couldn't this Master Pakku say 'we won a crucial battle and prevailed thus helping to save the world – heroic and nice spin.....Mitsumi quit throwing popcorn!"

"It's actually 'pull – pull'." Azula tried to comfort Karo by pointing out the obvious point she had keyed onto when she had heard the account of the Siege of the North. She lacked any real human sympathy but she felt she had to give it the best try she could. "If the moon created tides by pulling on the Earth we would have only one – but we have two because the other end of the planet is pulling away from the water creating a second high tide away from the moon. Actually to speak even more scientifically we have to realize gravity makes the tides, the Earth and the Moon orbit each other and it has no opposing force. A better description requires us to use geometry to describe gravity as a curve in space...."

"Not helping." Toph gently tapped Azula as she had sensed Karo felt a deep sadness over his family history. Karo seemed despondent that his father had done something so utterly wrong and felt like Pakku threw it back in his face to shame him in the eyes of the world. Azula pondered the existence of black holes since if gravity had no opposition and exists because as scientists would have it – matter warped time – enough of it would warp space infinitely with a gravitational field nothing could escape. Azula wondered if the sheer mass of the pile of papers that contained the content of Pakku's speech could make one.

"Depressing." Azula muttered strangely. "They say the Ocean Spirit dragged away your father to punish him for killing the Spirit of the Moon."

"I need another soda." Karo looked up expecting one of those blinding flashes of insight Azula could produce. "One full of caffeine."

* * *

Azula found Karo in the Men's washroom leaning against a mirror looking at the constellation of freckles on his cheeks. The bathroom had the same drab décor as the rest of the theater with an olive green tile over all surfaces but the murky yellow painted ceiling. This combination seemed to suck away the gas light – the designer had wanted to hide filth or grime and succeeded. Azula seemed to take no notice that the character on the sign read 'Men'. The porcelain urinals did shine like new with their gleaming chrome glistening as the same teenager minimum wage slave who served her popcorn had just cleaned them a moment ago.

"Katara told me that you might need some cheering up." Azula found this task about as easy as spelling out medical terms in charades but Katara had convinced her to make a try of it.

"Only guys use this washroom." Karo said sadly. "We don't want to cause a fuss."

"I can pee standing up." Azula answered back. "And I don't make a really convincing case for a girl."

"Whether you believe in that Water Tribe stuff my father was a war criminal." Karo washed his hands with _Dr. Chan's Likwid Soap_ fed from a dispenser – which smelled of ethanol, oranges and soap. "I wonder if I could end up doing such awful things."

"Your worst crime against humanity amounts to bad singing. You suck at music." Azula watched as a pimple faced teenage boy walked in, saw her and quietly walked out. She followed with Karo.

"I had a monster for a father." Karo opened the wooden door for Azula. "How should I feel about it? Guilt? I don't even know if I believe this 'Spirit of the Ocean' stuff. The events of the Siege of the North seem like an abstraction – history starring a family member."

"You don't remember him at all?" Azula ordered a heavily caffeinated drink that looked oddly like her attempts at tea. The beverage had a dark brown color and a fruity fragrance.

"Not anything more than impressions. I don't know if they are real memories or something I made up." Karo sighed and ordered the same drink Azula had ordered along with another box of malt balls.

Karo and Azula found their seats as the house lights dimmed. Mitsumi had eaten the popcorn and belched as he slept in a vacant seat. Master Pakku resumed speaking in distorted film sound and spectacular 'Squint-O-Vision'. Karo began to feel thankful to Azula for sparing him the long winded speech which if he could understand it would have proven nap worthy.

"Aann tick tick squizz tick tick tick whee pop where is my fizzle?" Master Pakku's speech showed signs of some kind of brain disorder affecting speech having one of those long twenty letter medical names ending in 'asia'. "Flip squeel saved the world from sueee tock!"

"Good thing he still has all his marbles." Azula leaned to Katara and snickered. "What has gone wrong? Someone cut the string between the two tin cans?"

"Azula?" Katara spoke sternly. She felt the need to remind Azula of her own status as the water bender who held power. She had sent Azula out to speak with Karo.

"Karo?" Azula leaned on his shoulder with Mitsumi in her lap. "Can you make out what the text at the bottom of the screen reads? You have those real sexy looking dork goggles."

"You bored?" Karo asked. "It says 'if you can read this - the film must really be boring'."

"Well this guy doesn't have much to grip the imagination." Azula had her arm around Karo's shoulder.

"Bless this marriage in the eyes of the Moon and Ocean Spirits." Master Pakku tapped sheets of paper on a white wooden podium.

"Now who speaks?" Azula asked Karo. "Another speaker like that and I will end up eating my head to escape."

"Chief Arnook." Karo smiled.

"The world has become a different place today...." Arnook began. "In my life we have gone from war to peace and from a world of conflict to a world of change."

"Karo can you sing?" Azula poked him as Toph put her feet on Karo's lap and began to relax."Belt out one of those old time favorites like 'Smelly Cat'!"

"Last time I sang you described how you would bake me."

"In hell one chooses the lowest level of torment." Azula blew her hair out of her eyes. "I find this guy wears boring like kittens wear cute."

"You...ow...Toph uh please you just kicked me in my joy department." Karo complained as Toph put her legs up on the armrest.

"For an economist that means you kicked his wallet." Azula whispered back.

"Are you guys going to watch the movie or talk?" A man with a balding head turned around spoke up from the row in front of Azula. "Watch or go out and talk. Don't do both!"

"We come together as the Northern and Southern Water Tribe to wish the Avatar and the beautiful Ty Lee all the best." Arnook droned on as one of his crib sheets fluttered to the floor of the wooden stage next to the ornate flower decorated podium.

"Well he just gave us the cure for all disease there." Azula smirked at the shallow and dull nature of the speech but the group obligingly quieted down. They let Mitsumi chuck the odd piece of popcorn at the row in front of them.

* * *

"Prince Zuko speaks next." Azula stood in the hallway with Karo and Toph as Katara fetched them more popcorn. The theater had given an intermission for the patrons to rest their eyes and stretch their legs. Mitsumi flicked his ears as if to make sure the bad sound had not come from a brain disorder.

"King Kong." Karo looked at a movie poster with a giant ape – more a gorilla- at the top of a huge mountain with a panicked girl in his hand. The movie poster advertised a feature due out in over a months time and the idea intrigued Karo. A giant ape made of cardboard and staples stood next to the poster and stood a full head and a half over Karo. Some artist had taken care to render the ape's features in full color with blood dripping off its fangs. "Giant ape reeks havoc on Omashu."

"A must see." Katara commented sarcastically.

"Of course." Azula looked at the poster. "One of life's great pleasures is really bad ape movies or really bad science fiction movies. You can sit in a theater and make fun of the movie you just paid for."

"Is it just me or does the sound suck?" Toph came back with a tray of goodies. She had soda pop, popcorn in the big cardboard tumbler and snacks.

"Never been to a theater before?" Karo took a handful of popcorn as Mitsumi climbed across his shoulders, grabbed a box of malt balls and rather deftly opened the box and began eating them. "The crappy sound is part of the package along with the sticky floor and the – Mitsumi stop throwing malt balls at the girl with the rather startlingly large muscular boyfriend."

"You want a problem freckle boy?" The rather large boyfriend grabbed a malt ball out of the air and grabbed Karo by his collar. Mitsumi wore a look that seemed to hint at guilt but chattered as the rather large man lifted him and his human off the ground.

"I will admit it." Karo said. "I can't control my lemur."

"That is why I love him so." Azula pulled up next to Karo. "Holy crap....you really one guy?"

"Oh nice." Karo glared at Azula. "Insulting the guy will help."

"We don't want trouble." The girlfriend spoke softly possibly because she actually didn't want a humiliating public display and possibly because Azula looked scary and a touch psychotic. As a couple it struck Azula that the couple made a simple demonstration of the contrast between large, hairy and mean tempered, and blond, small and petite.

"Ow!" The boyfriend dropped Karo and Mitsumi laid into the mean person with a series of loud chirps. Karo held the box of malt balls and Mitsumi reached into the box and chowed down. "I think my pet wants me dead."

To Be Continued


End file.
